done too soon

As the hours of the old year trickle down to less than a handful, I am reflecting on those who left us in 2008. Whether they be famous or family, there were a lot of significant losses in the last year.

I wanted to take a few moments to recall on some of those who left us in 2008. They need not be legends like Paul Newman, Kitty Carlisle, Beverly Sills or Eartha Kitt to be dearly missed. They need not have touched a million lives like Randy Pausch, or have pioneered for civil rights like Johnnie Carr or Del Martin. They need not have entered my teenage world weekly like Suzanne Pleashette, danced like Cyd Charisse or created art like Robert Rauschenberg. Some like Heath Ledger seemed to have so much road still before them.

Here's a tiny snapshot of some who left us, from the Los Angeles Times.

Before 2008 becomes history, let me say to all that you made a unique contribution to this shared consciousness known as society, and we thank each of you for the gifts you gave us.

In remembrance, here is a period BBC performance by a terribly young looking Neil Diamond, just beginning to hit his stride. From his 1970 album Tap Root Manuscript, surrounded by brass, here is Done Too Soon:



And each one there
Have one thing they shared
They have sweated beneath the same Sun
Looked up in wonder at the same Moon
And wept when it was all done
for being done too soon
For being sone too soon.

a date with dita

Two years ago tonight, I saw Blondie live at the glamorous Key Club on the Sunset Strip with burlesque queen Dita von Teese. Pretty memorable evening, even if I didn't meet her.

Okay, let me clarify. She was seated at the table behind me, and although we made eye contact, we didn't speak. But we were kindred spirits that night. The day prior, she had filed for divorce from rocker Marilyn Manson. That same day, the straight boyfriend (TM) and I had attended the funeral of a mutual friend who lost control of his sports car on Dead Man's Curve right before Christmas.

The SB (TM) chose this highly emotional event to admit to me that I was now being supplanted by a female. This went over about as well as the proposed Automaker bailout package did in Alabama. As the concert was one of my Christmas gifts (the only one I actually saw) I agreed to go. And so I sat with him, on the last night that I would know him.

So there we were, Dita and I, licking our wounds (figuratively of course) to the awesome sounds of Debbie Harry. Mom always said, if you must suffer, do it in style. And while Dita and I both got through our respective losses, I sadly admit that she seems to have taken it better than I.

Two years and I simply don't date. I hang out with friends, coworkers, and my ex Michael, but I don't date. Not even a cup of coffee. In honesty, I think the horror of it all (ask me about the Loser Coffee House sometime) combined with my utter lack of recent experience are a knockout punch. It's not that I've forgotten how to ride the bike, I haven't seen the bike in years.

Which brings me to my courageous New Year's Resolution: At some point this year, I will attempt to go out on a date. I'm only promising to do this once, but it's certainly time to move forward. If it happens, y'all will be the first to know.

Wish me luck.

last coquette

I'm terribly saddened today to learn of the passing of the last Coquette, the inimitable Eartha Kitt. She died this afternoon of complications of colon cancer at her Connecticut home at the age of eighty one.

With her closes an amazing era when glamour was described by completely different labels than it is today- Cadillacs, Millionaires, roulette wheels, Las Vegas, diamonds from Tiffany's, and cash- cash, cash cash. She made Golddigger into a fifties form of performance art and she was the last sex kitten standing. When last I saw her at the Cinegrill in Hollywood a few years back she still had It.

More than a voice, she stood up to Lady Bird Johnson opposing the war in 1966 and took her act to Europe to recover. She raised funds for Unicef and never seemed to change one iota to the very end. Her career went through a renaissance in the 80's when she recoreded club hits Where is My Man and Cha Cha Heels with Bronski Beat.

Of course, she is best known for 1954's Santa Baby, a wonderful Golddigger's guide to the holidays that was remade several times but never equalled. As much as I love that number, I think the only appropriate tribute to her is C'est Si Bon, in which she sings of the joy of her glamorous life.

In tribute to a woman who lived by her own rules, and in memory of a life well lived, C'est Si Bon

xxv

Well, I made it. Christmas morning and I'm still standing. Last year was too much and I just avoided the holiday. But this year, because she loved it so much, I jumped back into the water the best I could. I baked cookies. I went to parties. I hosted coworkers, and even created my online Christmas journal for you all to suffer through, my own special Advent Calendar From Hell.

And even though I didn't write about it every day, my lily girl has never been more than an inch away. There have been times when I didn't know how to keep going, but she never stopped and that has kept me more or less on track.

For Patsy, for my family in Michigan, for anyone missing a loved one today, and for all of you who keep me going, here is my Christmas wish for you- the most perfect voice with the most heartfelt Christmas song of all time:




Merry Christmas!

Love,

Jeff

fah hoo forres

There isn't snow along the Pacific Ocean, but Christmas Eve 2008 brings light rain and fifty four degrees to Santa Monica. Here are tonight's holiday images from my beloved home on the shore of the Pacific and a quick look at the Santa Monica Pier as it awaits the arrival of Santa.









And for those of you who may not be Grinch certified, "Fah Hoo Forres" is sung by the Whos in Whoville each year to welcome Christmas.

Fah Hoo Forres
Dah Hoo Dorres
Welcome Christmas
Bring Your Light



No sign of reindeer as yet. Merry Christmas to all.

switch the turbos on

For Alto



The red car and the blue car had to race
To make it to the rave at Mama's Place.
It was early Christmas Eve
By the time that they could leave
Would they make it home for Christmas Day?

duelling mimis

We're almost there- one day to go. Going to keep with our "nice" theme today with a holiday double-dose of Mimi- Mariah Carey herself with my favorite modern day Christmas tune.

For my fabulous retro friends, who live in the past because the future is not what it used to be, who can do the swim and ther frug and know the names of every hairstyle of the Johnson Administration, here's an awesome sixties version with white go go boots and ironed hair to make the Ronettes jealous:



And for those who live for fabulousness, and who understand that what separates us from the animals is our ability to accessorize, here's a version that's so far over the top it's already halfway down the other side- live from Disney World in Orlando, Christmas 2004, emerging from Sleeping Beauty's Castle, with giant wooden soldiers, a gaggle of boy dancers, giant gingerbread men, Raggedy Ann and Andy, Santa-hatted throngs and daytime fireworks. It's Mimi, and All I want for Christmas is You.



Whichever camp you prefer, retro or camp, enjoy your own personal Mimi.

All I want for Christmas is Y'all.

christmas shindig

Shindig! premiered in September of '64 as the first prime time youth-oriented music variety program. Hosted by popular LA Disc Jockey Jimmy O'Neill, it featured the hippest sounds, the hottest new acts, and go-go dancers called the Shin-Diggers.

There is no doubt the series helped fuel the British Invasion, and launched similar programs such as NBC's Hullalaboo. It was fully integrated, showcasing both black and white acts. It also gave us one of the most unique Christmas programs of the era.

I'm focusing on Shindig! Episode 16, which aired on December 23, 1964. The show featured guest acts Jack Good, an unknown Bobby Sherman, The Beach Boys, The Righteous Brothers, Donna Loren, and Marvin Gaye.

I'm showing you the third segment. In this clip, Donna Loren predates Phil Spector's 1965 Christmas Album with a very hip version of "Santa Claus is Coming to Town", a hiilarious period commercial is rebroadcast, and we hear a very unusual Holiday Medley from the Beach Boys, who owned the world in 1964. They bring us "Little Saint Nick", "The Monster Mash", "Oo Mow Mow," and "Johnny B. Goode". Out loud.

Yes, that's what I said. Um, Merry...Happy...Monster...whatever




Hope your Christmas isn't monstrous

winter wonderland

Okay, there's both naughty and nice on the Advent Calendar today, After all, time is short and there's so much Christmas still to share.

So crawl out from under the fallen tree and take a listen to the amazing Jason Mraz. I posted his charming and chill "I'm Yours" back in the springtime. It has since been nominated for a Grammy as Song of the Year. Turns out that in addition to being a top songwriter himself, he has a talent for putting his own unique spin on the classics as well.

For the folks and family in Flint, here's Winter Wonderland:

divine holiday

Ah, a quaint family Christmas with the Davenports. I do so hope that little Dawn likes those sensible black flats we got her. After all, she can be so.....difficult.

From Female Trouble, John Waters at his directorial peak. I know you've seen it but it's what makes the Holiday well, you know....Divine!



Hope your holiday goes better than theirs.

animated gem

A tiny treasure. From CBS, first shown for Christmas 1966. Stunning in its simplicity, this little gem embodies the spirit of Holidays. Designed by R.O. Blechman and animated by Willis Pyle. Hand drawn, if you can imagine a time when such gracious things happened. Music arranged by Arnie Black. Shown well into the seventies. Lovely.

little saint nick

The Advent Calendar from Hell revisits Santa today- a warm, fluffy, chrome wheeled, lake piped, Southern California version of Santa, as penned by Brian Wilson of the Beach Boys.

For contrast, and to address my increasing homesickness for Michigan, I've chosen a version by Grand Rapids indie Band Bless You Boys. The video is certainly low budget, but the snow is authentic and besides, they're cute and fun and the energy of the song carries through. On this December 20th, it's the Little Saint Nick:

don't be late

Okay, this one is amazing. Recall that a producer named Ross Bagdasarian broke into the pop music fray in 1958 under the pseudonym David Seville with a novelty act called the Chipmunks. The trio, whose voices were actually his own, were recorded at half speed and then replayed at double speed, making them seem an octave higher. The resulting song, Christmas Don't be Late, captured the #1 spot on the charts in December 1958. Incidentally, the Chipmunks were named after the top executives of Liberty Records, for whom he was under contract.

They culminated with a live marionette appearance on Ed Sullivan that December and set the stage for an animated series on CBS for the 1961-62 season. Here the world first saw them in their animated form, and it was here that this animated version of the song was first aired.

From Christmas, 1961, Alvin and the Chipmunks:

love darlene love

Who doesn't love Darlene Love? From backupsinger for Phil Spector to uncredited lead singer of the Crystals, and finally success in her own name, she's a powerhouse who has stood the test of time. It's an annual tradition for her to appear on Letterman and sing her contribution to Phil Spector's 1965 Christmas Album.

Please come home for Christmas, 12/22/2006:

suburban terror

Our advent calender takes a chilling turn with a visit to suburbia. What happens when a computer conrolled lighting display meets Elvis Presley?

The result is a blue, blue, blue, blue Christmas.




Tell your psychiatrist.

mayor of flint

One of the happiest recollections of my hometown of Flint, Michigan was holiday shopping with my father. In those days, and we are talking pre-energy crisis late sixties and early seventies, my little hometown was a prosperous place where the factories hummed along producing luxurious Buick Electras and shiny Chevy pickups, and a thriving downtown with prosperous merchants supplied the locals with their shopping needs.

The holiday season kicked off with the Glitterball. It was the glam party of the season, hosted by the University Club atop the Penthouse of the Genessee Towers. From the giant picture windows, one would look down nineteen stories onto the prosperous community below. Mom would spend a good month making sure her holiday ensemble was "just so", even having her mink stole glazed beforehand (in those innocent, pre-PETA days).

Dad was a partner in a prominent CPA firm downtown and almost all of the local merchants were clients of his, so going shopping was downtown like visiting one endless holiday party with old friends. I nicknamed him the "Mayor of Flint", long before that would infer the felony convictions and sordid background that recent mayors have had.

We had a fabulous time. We'd start at James, Inc, the downtown men's store where Jim Mc Logan would offer me hot cider. Dad would have a glass of champagne at Betty Richards while choosing a smart suit dress or sweater ensemble for Mother. From there we'd work Saginaw Street- drop in on the Goldsteins at Roberts David Alan for cookies, see the Hoyts at Harry's camera and even check out Greenblatt's Furs. Lunch at the Masonic Temple was part of the ritual. We were treated like royalty every where we went. Every store had lights and holiday treats and friendly people to meet.

Of course it all started to change with the opening of Genessee Valley, the first major suburban shopping mall in 1970. Downtown retailers tried to hold on, many opened suburban satellite locations that in time replaced the originals, and by the eighties it was a pale imitation of itself.

But in the innocent days of my childhood, nothing could hold a candle to Christmas Shopping downtown with my own "Mayor of Flint".

Thanks, Dad.

a couple of misfits

I just can't seem to leave this Rudolph thing alone- the need for conformity at all costs, the ostracising of those to fail to conform to the standard, even to the point of banishing playthings who fail to meet the accepted standards of provenance to a snowy Gulag- the dreaded Island of Misfit Toys.

Is this show really about the manifestation of the Mc Carthyism tactics of the 50's giving way to the push for civil rights in the 60's?

Or am I just watching a cute little song about the first gay couple at the North Pole?



Talk amongst yourselves...

christmas kisses

Enough Satanic Santa for a while. Lets set the wayback machine for Christmas 1961. I have a special treat in store for you. It's the Ray Anthony Orchestra, with sugary sweet vocals by The Bookends. Very atomic lyrics and even some cool mid century imagery.

Christmas Kisses, anyone?

killer santa

Santa's image has really taken a beating here on the World O' Jeff in light of the investigative reporting and hidden camera footage of the last few days. A few days ago we learned that he is a drag racing hot rodder. Then we demonstrated to you that he's a dick. And via archival footage from 1983, let me remind you that he's a cold blooded killer.

If not the worst Christmas ditty of all time, certainly one of the meanest. Of course, I'm speaking of veterinarian Elmo Shropshire who, along with his wife Patsy, added "Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer" to our holiday repertoire in 1973.

He took $40,000 of his own money and created an album (and a video filmed in his own living room) in his own attempt at holiday road kill immortality. It certainly brought something fresh and new to the music of the season.

With no further adieu, here it is:

winter wonderland

A Holiday treat from the Eighties- courtesy of the timeless Pee Wee's Christmas Special. These three girls are a special kind of awesome- their blend of miniskirts, go-go boots, and gigantic smiles say ot all. And to quote Gypsy, "to have no talent is not enough. What you need is a gimmick- something to make your strip special".

Well, I don't know that they ever did burlesque, but they certainly had their gimmick. Take a listen to the heavenly intonations of the Del Rubio Triplets:

santa is a dick

I loved the Christmas specials of the sixties. Mom and my brother and I would make sure that we watched each one. In those pre-video-on-demand days, these programs were like old friends who visited once a year. To miss one would be agony- we would have to wait an entire year to see it again. We were captivated by the Grinch, Charlie Brown, Frosty, and even little Cindy Lou Who. This was, of course, before she grew up and married John Mc Cain. My stylistic favorite was the incomparable Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, a symphony in stop motion animation first broadcast in 1964. It was truly the most glamorous of the specials, very different in tone from the cool jazz sophistication of Charlie Brown. And Charlie was sponsored by Dolly Madison cakes and zingers- we never had those in our house. But GE brings good things to life, and we had electricity. I watched the Debut on our RCA New Vista Color set, and eagerly awaited each anniversary broadcast. Rudolph had come a long way from his creation as a mere window display by Montgomery Ward's in Chicago for the 1938 season. Immortalized in song by Gene Autry, he became one of the most beloved advertising icons of all time. No wonder then that he was rewarded with his own show, I mean, even Judy Garland was doing it. This special had a dose of sixties reality- Santa was cantankerous and mean, elves fought among themselves, Rudolph was outcast because he was different, Hermey ran away to find himself and even toys were quarantined if society deemed them unfit. But somehow the "misfits" saved the day. Call it early diversity training. I'm sure countless children were driven to therapy because of this show, but I (and many of my gay brothers and sisters) embraced it. Finally different was okay. Except for Santa. Not the cool GTO driving Santa from yesterday. Santa was not a likable character. Barking at the Missus, insulting the elves, humiliating newborn Rudolph. Santa was a dick. And I'm not the only one to see it. The folks at Camp Jinx prepared this objective analysis. They have him on tape. Watch for yourself: Santa is a dick.

santa's gto

Okay, we're continuing along with my little Advent Calendar from Hell. Most of you know I'm crazy about the Ramones, and that enthusiasm extendes to some of their tribute bands as well. Today's stop on the tour of the truly unusual features the world's only all-female Ramones tribute band, the Ramonas, and their festive little holiday number called "Santa's Got a GTO". This video features original imagery including renderings by legendary advertising artist Art Fitzpatrick.

So put some Octane in your holiday and take a look:

thoughtful gift

While I'm on my Dick Van Dyke kick, here's a fabulous Christmas Ad from the show reminding you that the holiday gift that keeps on giving is.....cigarettes.



Wow, Mom, you shouldn't have!

These are called "roll-ins", where the ad appears to be part of the show. They were invented by none other than Desi Arnaz and are great fun now. There's even a Flintstones animated ad for Winston cigarettes.

Happy Holidays, everyone, and light up!

Nice is nice

I simply love the style of the sixties. The narrow ties, the bouffant hairstyles, the elegant cocktail dresses, the entire world dressed as if about to step out of a 1964 Lincoln Continental.

Even the lowly sitcom had panache, to wit the Dick Van Dyke show with the lovely and talented Mary Tyler Moore. Both trained dancers, in case suburban living should suddenly cause one to burst into song. Which it often did.

And in their third season, the revered Christmas Special, called "Alan Brady Presents". All in all one of the best Christmas episodes of any sitcom (mental note: remember when sitcoms had Christmas episodes)?

The interplay between Rose Marie and Morey Amsterdam is charming, but I'm simply all about the hot Santa-On-Santa action at 1:45. An original song by Persky and Denoff, and Dick and Mary do an engaging dance number. Be sure to listen to Mary's cutesy catty comments at the end of each line, and watch their faces- they are having a great time.

What ever else you do, stop at 6:00 before the awful nails on a blackboard rendition of "Little Drummer Boy" by Larry Matthews. The most untalented child actor of all time, this rendition proves that not all children are cute. A reminder of how welcome Thenol was in the sixties. Enjoy:

if hermey were gay

Although Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer was my favorite Christmas special, it nonetheless gave me nightmares. The passive aggressive Santa, seeing poor Rudolph forced into the closet, and Hermey. Where did he get that hairdo?

Well, kids, this is just about the funniest thing I have ever seen. Imagine what would happen if Hermey the Elf and Avenue Q crashed head on and there were no survivors..The bedroom scene alone is simply brilliant. Check it out...

Prop 8: The Musical

I know I'm the last one in the world to post it, but here it is..

Prop 8: The Musical:

See more Jack Black videos at Funny or Die

The latest news is that some wingnut organization calling itself the Christian Anti Defamation Commission wants an apology. Apparently the piece is so right-on in nailing their hypocritical asses regarding selective interpretation of the Bible that they are offended.

So hurry up and apologize, y'all. Right.

deer friends

Here from Father Tony, who got it from Tornwordo. So it's the pass-around-Sally of Holiday greetings.

And yes, this is the real me. And I'm mostly okay with it, although to go through life with a secret alias from a Volkswagen of the seventies is a bit offputting.

You Are Dasher

You're an independent minded reindeer who never plays by the rules. Why You're Naughty: That little coup you tried to stage against Santa last year Why You're Nice: You secretly give naughty children presents.

Which of Santa's Reindeer Are You?

best friends girl

When was the last time a song made you feel as good as this?



I do admit to a certain summer evening in 1984 when I danced around my red sports car in the garage while this played on the radio.

I'd go back there in a heartbeat...wouldn't you?

gentle angry people

A follow up to yesterday, here's Holly Near and the San Francisco Gay Mens Chorus at the 2008 Moscone and Milk memorial, singing the song she wrote in response to the political assassination of Harvey Milk. Dan White pulled the trigger but Anita Bryant and John Briggs have their fingerprints on the gun.



Never more appropriate than it is today as we recoil from the lies and the bigotry and the persecution which certain so called "evangelicals" are slinging our way for the crime of merely existing.

Well, I have news for you all (and I know you visit here). We exist, and we do not apologize for that. Our right to be here is not one iota less than yours. And we will not be demonized. We have conducted peaceful protests in every major city in the US, and that's just the beginning.

We're not the aggressor here, we've been demonized and tortured for thirty years. You are not the ones whose rights are being diminished. You are not the ones being murdered on the streets. You are not affected in the least. We are. We are not attacking you, we are responding to your attacks on us.

I was made by the same benevolent creator that you were. If you have a problem with that, take it up with Him (or Her).

We are a gentle angry people, and we are singing for our lives.

got milk

Today I had a much needed day off at the end of a tumultuous month in which we saw the beginning of a much needed new day for the Presidency and our international reputation, a severe setback at the hands of the forces of bigotry and oppression, and a wave of optimism and power as our forces take to the streets and demand our civil rights.

On this World AIDS day, I took myself to see Milk, about the life and times of the greatest gay politician we have yet seen. And the parallels to our time are as stunning as the film itself. It is a must see for everyone who has a piece of this struggle.

A deeply moving and indescribably amazing film, we watch this seemingly irrepressible man try again and again to find a place at the table for his gay and lesbian people. We see a striking similarity with the utterly evil Proposition 6, which would have compelled school districts to fire gay teachers. In what could only be described as a triumph of common sense, Proposition 6 went down to defeat. And I strongly suspect that if we had a focused leader such as Harvey Milk in our presence today, Proposition 8 would have failed as well. In fact, if this film had opened a month before the election instead of a month after, it might have made the difference.

In his own words, spoken at his memorial by Anne Kronenberg:

I can be killed with ease.
I can be cut right down.
But I cannot fall back into my closet.
I have grown.
I am not myself.
I am too many.
I am all of us.

And here is a tribute by Sean Chapin to Harvey Milk and George Moscone on the thirtieth anniversary of their tragic loss:



Read more about Sean's tribute here.

scene twelve

Image courtesy of filmgecko.com

Tagged by Dora with the dreaded book meme, I decided to give the game a slight Hollywood twist. The challenge:

"Here's the game. Open the book nearest your computer (and be honest not something artsy-fartsy so you can impress everyone) turn to page 56 and post the 5th sentence, plus a bit before and after for context."

I'm going for the closest reading material, which happens to be the script to an upcoming film that my friend Ken is producing. It's called Manure, and its about competing Fertilizer salesmen in Kansas in the early 60's. So it's a romance. Anyway, its where Tea Leoni hooked up with Billy Bob Thornton, so maybe it's porn. Whatever.

Rosemary:

"Just one moment while I change into something more comfortable".

The Miracle workers smile and look at one another. She runs past a room in the back. Four other miracle workers are gagged and tied up.

Rosemary climbs out the rear bedroom window and runs.

when fetishes collide

Some sunday fun. My harmless crush on Anderson Cooper continues to roll along. Yes, I still have a thing for the king of the puppies, the blue eyed god in a polo shirt. In this 60 Minutes clip below, he interviews Olympic studmuffin Michael Phelps and challenges him to a one lap race. Although you don't get to see Michael's tattoos (and they are there), we do get Coop in board shorts. Alas, no speedo, but the segment is still way fun.

My high school fantasies are returning to me now.....


Watch CBS Videos Online

thankful

I had four different invitations for Thanksgiving. Each one was a sincere extension of hospitality from a devoted and well meaning friend, and each involved family and good fellowship. And I was very grateful for each, it made me feel valued and cared for. In the end, I declined all four and stayed home. Thursday was the first anniversary of her passing, and I spent the day with her. I was in the right place.

No weeping, no wailing, just a quiet day of reflection. I'm very thankful for the time I had with her, and for all of the crazy adventures we had. Yes, she was a handful at times, but she loved me without limits and constantly reminded me how proud she was of me. Every child should be so fortunate.

I'm thankful for the Mom I was given.

yahrtzeit

One year today. How the time has flown, already an anniversary. Not a particulrly easy one either, considering how much she loved the holiday season. I needed to do something for her. I was reading a friend's blog when I stumbled upon the Jewish tradition of Yahrtzeit, which literally means "one year later". They comemmorate the passing of a loved one by rituals that include setting up a photo shrine with a candle, and saying a special prayer.

I was touched by the idea. So I took the pictures of her that I shared with you last week, and placed them on the Magnavox. Next to those I set up the ceramic Christmas tree that she made in the late 60's in ceramics class. I added a candle and here it is- my own version of Yahrtzeit.

I feel better having it here.

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone. Hold your loved ones close to your heart.

conscientious objector

Although I have a thousand stories about her. I don't have all that many that specifically pertain to thanksgiving. A couple predictable ones- the time the oven door failed and launched the turkey across the kitchen floor while it was being basted comes to mind. The mind hearkens back to the jello dish that got nicknamed "aluminum salad" for reasons that indicate a possibility of inadvertent metallic contamination. But today's tale is one in which I have more of an active role than was usual.

It was Thanksgiving Day, 1964, and as had been customary, after our own holiday dinner we would head over to my grandparents for leftovers and dessert. My Mother, on this particular year, was exhausted from preparing her own feast and did not feel like attending. She explained her reasons to my father in front of cute little toddler me, but made no admonition that these were not to be shared.

Here I digress. At my grandparent's gathering, it was customary for the daughters to help serve and the daughters-in-law to clean up. Mom referred to it as the in-laws and the outlaws, and her adherence to the policy was tepid at best.

My father, my brother, and I crunched through the snowy driveway up the stairs and into the kitchen of the old farmhouse. The cast iron stove was blazing and the room was toasty warm as we unbuckled our galoshes on the red and yellow linoleum floor and removed our heavy winter coats. Grandmother greeted us with a big smile. "Where's your Mother?", she asked. "She stayed home", I blurted out. She said she didn't want to do the dishes".

It's a good thing I was so cute.

domestic partner

A very thought provoking essay from Tom Ackerman. I like the way this guy thinks:

-----

I no longer recognize marriage. It’s a new thing I’m trying.

Turns out it’s fun.

Yesterday I called a woman’s spouse her boyfriend.


She says, correcting me, “He’s my husband,”
“Oh,” I say, “I no longer recognize marriage.”

The impact is obvious. I tried it on a man who has been in a relationship for years,


“How’s your longtime companion, Jill?”
“She’s my wife!”
“Yeah, well, my beliefs don’t recognize marriage.”

Fun. And instant, eyebrow-raising recognition. Suddenly the majority gets to feel what the minority feels. In a moment they feel what it’s like to have their relationship downgraded, and to have a much taken-for-granted right called into question because of another’s beliefs.

Just replace the words husband, wife, spouse, or fiancé with boyfriend, girlfriend, special friend, or longtime companion. There is a reason we needed stronger words for more serious relationships. We know it; now they can see it.

A marriage is a lot of things. Culturally, it’s a declaration to the community that two people are now a unit, and that unity should be respected. Legally, it’s a set of rights and responsibilities. And spiritually, it’s whatever your beliefs think it is.

That’s what’s so great about America. As a Constitutionally secular nation, or at least in reality a vaguely pluralistic nation, we can all have our own spiritual take on what marriage is. What’s troublesome is when one group’s spiritual beliefs deny the cultural and legal rights of another.

But, back to the point. They say their beliefs don’t recognize my marriage, I say my beliefs don’t recognize theirs. Simple. It may seem petty, and obviously the legal part of the cultural/legal/spiritual trilogy is flip-floppy, but it may be the cultural part that really matters.

People get married to be recognized as a permanent couple. To be acknowledged by friends, family, and strangers as being off the market, in a relationship, totally hooked up, yikes… it’s impossible to say without saying ‘married.’ We wear rings to declare this!

So, we can take this away. We can refuse to recognize marriage in the cultural sense. It is totally within our rights, as Americans, to follow our beliefs and recognize or not recognize what we like.

I guess this is a call out to all Americans with beliefs similar to mine.

If you believe that all people should have equal rights, and if you believe that marriage is one of the greatest destinations of a relationship, then perhaps you believe that nobody should have marriage until everybody does.

That’s what I believe.
-----

Read the original here. Cartoon by Mar Bennett.

sunday drive: more downtown LA

No sooner did I have last week's sunday drive photos posted when I received another email from Mitchell, with even more photos of the Downtown Los Angeles "No on 8" protest. I love these images, they show the divesity of the City of Angels. From the architecture, which includes City Hall, the Los Angeles Mall, the Federal Courts, Historic Olvera St, the Pico House and Chinatown, to the activists. Pay particular attention to the No on 8 sign in Chinese. This is the city, Los Angeles Calfornia.

goodbye to you

Scandal featuring Patty Smyth. One of my favorite club songs of the 80's, usually heard in combination with the Flirts and the Weather Girls. Many pleasurable Saturday nights at YP, before heading to La Cage. Can't get it out of my head tonight.



Topical, as my late night thoughts tend to be. Consider it a goodbye wish to Dubya. Can it get any more eighties than this?

the consequences..

Of gay marriage. From the clever folks at Graph Jam, via Sullivan.

Says it all...

fight out loud

Absolutely tragic, and an inveitable outcome of the relentless campaign to dehumanize gay and lesbian people by so-called "Christians" who know nothing of the love of God. This is why we are taking to the streets.



Hat tip to Pam

sunday drive: los angeles says no on 8

Today is a bit of a departure, as it is Tuesday and I'm showcasing an event from Saturday, but the pictures are so awesome that they truly deserve to be a Sunday Drive. And a guest hosted one as well. My friend Mitchell, who has been a tireless organizer, has been keeping us all on top of the action with his "Warriors of Love" email blasts.

So with his permission, here is his recap of Saturday and his photographs. As much as I love downtown architecture, there is something about the sight of the 20,000 energized activists that makes it truly come alive. Ladies and Gentlemen, let Mitchell introduce you to downtown Los Angeles on one of its finest days:



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Now, sadly we didn't get much, if any, media coverage for yesterday's massive turnouts due to the horrific fire devastation in Southern California. So, for those of you who missed it:

The L.A. City Hall rally had what seemed to be 20,000 people, tho' the media estimate is 10-12,000. I know that the previous Saturday's Sunset Junction rally had approx. 10,000 and this was much, much more massive. It was a beautiful day (see the attached pics and more that I'll send afterwards, as Earthlink only lets me send 3 at a time) and the crowd just made everyone excited and happy. There were only a handful of the opposition, this time with a bullhorn, and of course they were being protected by the police, aside from one guy with a bible at 4th and Spring.

To this excitement was added several inspirational speeches by L.A. Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa (w/ intro by Torie Osborn, former head of the National Gay/Lesbian Task Force and current head of the Liberty Hill Foundation), L.A. City Attorney Rocky Delgadillo (who spoke of our "manifest dignity"), openly gay Assemblyperson John Perez, Councilmember John Duran, Lorri Jean (head of L.A. Gay/Lesbian Community Center), both of "Hairspray's" Tracy Turnblads: Rikki Lake and Marissa Jaret Winokur (who mentioned that her son is gay, tho' "he's only 3 months old but we're hoping"), Lucy Lawless (Xena- Warrior Princess), comedian Matt Lucas of "Little Britain," two African-American speakers (one gay, one straight), one Latina, and an ex-fosterkid who movingly told of the 13 years that he and his sister had to endure in various foster homes, partially because gay couples weren't allowed to adopt.

Of course, toward the end of all those speakers, many were anxious to March, provoking Councilmember Duran to cut off his speech and say, "O.K. Let's march!" And the thousands upon thousands of us did march, down Spring Street, turning east on 4th Avenue, then north onto Main which we took until it merged w/ Alameda to the park just past Chinatown. All the while we passed hundreds of supporters on the sidewalks and several above in their lofts cheering from their windows, not to mention passing many Los Angeles landmarks, such as City Hall, Olvera Street, the old L.A. Times building, etc. Since we were such a huge crowd, as I was marching down Main, I could look down the east/west streets and still see marchers beginning the route on Spring. It was an amazing rally!

But it wasn't just there. Approx. 1,000 people rallied at Pasadena City Hall and rallies were held all over the state and in several other cities in the nation and the world! In Las Vegas, comedienne Wanda Sykes addressed a rally and said she's "proud to be gay." As if we didn't love her enough already!

I can't imagine seeing as much support for our rights as was out yesterday in any preceding time. Our efforts are going to succeed this time.

With tremendous hope in my heart,
Mitchell

time to go

for alto:



Joanne was my favorite aunt. She and Uncle David had it all- a successful business, three beautiful children, and a garage full of old Buicks that I loved riding in. They were my favorite relatives to visit, and we did so often.

Their perfect world was shattered in 1976 when three year old Brian, whom each thought the other was watching, fell head first into their swimming pool and drowned. They pulled him out quickly, and David tried desperately to perform CPR, but it was too late.

Their grief was both overwhelming and debilitating. My own parents were in Montreal when the call came. They dropped everything and raced home to Flint in the big Buick Electra. Dad, who was not a speeder, learned new talents as he desperately tried to get home to his anguished brother. Mom said they were all but airborne that trip. Once home, Dad helped Uncle David with the heartbreaking task of arrangements, and Mother glued herself to Joanne's side.

Joanne kept her composure through the visitation and funeral with Mother never out of her sight. Mom was afraid that she would simply pass out from the grief, but somehow she made it through. Finally the graveside service was over and people began returning to their cars. Except Joanne. She was unable to leave her little boys side, and just sat there in silence. Every time Mother tried to lead her away, Joanne pulled away. Finally Mother took her hand and said "Joanne, it's time to go". Joanne resisted but Mother was firm. "You have two children at home that need you. It's time to go". She led her to the waiting car.

The collective anguish and guilt of the tragedy soon spelled the end of David and Joanne's marriage. I saw her very infrequently after that, and usually only at a major family event, but we retained the warm bond we always had. Years went by.

Joanne wasn't able to make Mother's funeral last December, as she was working out of town. It was a lovely and touching service, and after the mourners had filed out, it was just my brother, Dad, and I. Then it was Dad and I, and finally just myself. Looking at her, touching the lapel of her pink suit, recounting stories of how crazy and full of life and how utterly irreplaceable she was. And I stood there, unable to leave her. It was the last time I would ever see her, and I simply could not bring myself to part with her.

Then the door opened, and in walked Joanne. She had sped up from Detroit and missed the service, but wanted to pay her respects. She gave me an gigantic hug and we talked about her. We looked at the display boards of photos and she talked about what enormous strength Mother had given her when Brian died. She had come up to thank her for that time. We stood silently for a few minutes, and then Joanne took my hand and softly said, "It's time to go". I knew exactly what she was doing. Hand in hand, we walked outside into the setting sun.

when leaves turn

I think of her especially when the leaves turn. We're coming into her favorite time of year. She loved autumn- color tours to view the turning leaves, trips to the apple orchard, the advent of Hallowe'en. When my brother and I outgrew our need for home-made costumes she started making them for the little neighbor girl. Her parents whom I had not seen in years recounted the story to me at her service.

I took these images in late October, 1983. I was learning to use my new Nikon 35 mm camera and as you can see, was pretty impressed with my star filter. It was a stellar fall day, sunny and crisp and I was taking glamor shots of Dad's 1941 Packard Limousine. I decided I needed a model and talked Mom into the part, in her favorite antebellum lace dress and parasol. The pictures were taken in the middle of the street. Somehow, we managed to dodge the upcoming cars and then afterward went inside for hot chocolate.

I'm terribly glad she agreed to it, because they are among my favorite images of her. It will be one year on Thanksgiving. I miss her so much.



In remembrance and love, here is Eva Cassidy with a wonderful live version of Autumn Leaves:

live from new york- its no on 8

Amazing footage from Father Tony of the enormous demonstration at the Mormon Temple in Manhattan- a crowd of close to 10,000 took to the streets to demand our civil rights. Beautiful and awe inspiring.



Read his account here.

Thank you, New York. I salute you.

one bright spot

One bright spot in the news this morning- Momentus happy tidings for gay and lesbian couples in Connecticut, who can wed beginning today. From my sunny window in California, where the chickens have rights but I no longer do, may I extend my best wishes for love and happiness to all of the devoted couples about to marry in Connecticut

-----

Gay couples start marrying in Connecticut
The Associated Press
8:54 AM PST, November 12, 2008


NEW HAVEN, Conn. -- A judge cleared the way today for gay marriage to begin Wednesday in Connecticut, a victory for advocates stung by California's referendum that banned same-sex unions in that state.

Couples immediately marched to New Haven City Hall to get marriage licenses, and less than two hours after the final court hearing, Peg Oliveira and Jennifer Vickery were married in a brief ceremony next to New Haven City Hall.


"I feel so happy," said Vickery, a 44-year-old attorney. "It's so much more emotional than I expected."

Gay marriage is legal now only in Connecticut and Massachusetts. The unions were legal in California until a statewide referendum to ban gay marriage narrowly passed last week. The vote has sparked protests and several lawsuits asking that state's Supreme Court to overturn the prohibition.

The Connecticut Supreme Court ruled 4-3 on Oct. 10 that same-sex couples have the right to wed rather than accept a civil union law designed to give them the same rights as married couples.


Some of the eight couples who had challenged a state law prohibiting gay marriages last month wept as Judge Jonathan Silbert entered his judgment that opened the way to the issuance of licenses.

"Today, Connecticut sends a message of hope an inspiration to lesbian and gay people throughout this country who simply want to be treated as equal citizens by their government," said the plaintiff's attorney, Bennett Klein.

The first license issued in New Haven went to plaintiffs Robin Levine-Ritterman and Barbara Levine-Ritterman, who have been together since 1989. A crowd of about 100 people outside city hall applauded as Barbara Levine-Ritterman proudly held up the license.

"It's thrilling today. We are all in one line for one form. Love is love, and the state recognizes it," she said.

Read the entire article here

go susan go

One of the most encouraging things about this entire tragic referendum on gay lifestyles disguised as Proposition 8 is that I have met some amazing people of faith, including our favorite priest, Father Geoff Farrow, and the awesome Rev. Susan Russell of All Saints in Pasadena. These two, among many others, have stood up for us and reminded me what an inclusive God of love is all about.

Check out this transcript of Rev. Susan Russell on yesterday's CNN "Issues" segment:

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VELEZ MITCHELL: Day five of outrage in California over the gay marriage ban. You just heard movie star Drew Barrymore joining thousands of angry protesters desperate to overturn Prop 8. Even Governor Schwarzenegger said he hoped the state supreme court would overturn the ban.


Reverend Susan Russell of the All Saints Episcopal Church in Pasadena has been protesting right along with the gay rights supporters.


Reverend Russell, exit polls showed three-quarters of weekly churchgoers voted to ban gay marriage. Now, you are a person of the cloth, and you were fighting to give gays the freedom to marry. Why?


REV. SUSAN RUSSELL, ALL SAINTS EPISCOPAL CHURCH: Absolutely. In a nutshell, I think it's because, as a person of faith and a patriotic American, I believe in both the freedom of religion and the freedom from religion. And while I`ll defend to my last breath the rights of those who think that marriage should only be between a man and a woman, they don`t have the right to write their theology into our constitution. And because people of faith have been so much on the side of promoting bigotry and exclusion regarding gay and lesbian people, I think it`s critical that people of faith, with another perspective, stand up and speak out now, and that`s what we`re doing.

Read the full transcript here

this vote is horrible

Keith Olbermann is brilliant:



How does my having rights affect yours in the least?

postcards from california

Planning a visit? Here's what you will enjoy in California:





Hat tip to JMG

hear it from harvey

Harvey Fierstein's column in this morning's Huffington Post:

While we dance in the streets and pat ourselves on the back for being a nation great enough to reach beyond racial divides to elect our first African-American president let us not forget that we remain a nation still proudly practicing prejudice.

I have heard this day described as one of transcendence where Americans came together to prove that we are, above all, a nation of fairness. World witnesses wrote that we rose above ideology, politics and bigotry to achieve a great moment for America. Meanwhile, on this same Election Day, we great Americans passed laws as heinous as any Jim Crow legislation. We great Americans reached out and willfully put our name to language that denies an entire minority group their equal rights.

Of course I am referring to the states of Florida, Arizona and California passing legislation to specifically deny gay people from entering into the contract of marriage. Actually, that's not true. We can still get married, just not to each other. Yes my friends, Florida and California have now made it legal for gay men and lesbians to marry as long as we don't marry our partners. How much sense does that make?

Now, before you rise up on your high horse to holler, "We're not against Civil Unions, just Gay Marriage", let me once again explain that THE SUPREME COURT HAS STATED THAT SEPARATE BUT EQUAL IS NOT EQUAL. And even if it were, civil unions are simply not equal to marriage.

Let me give you a simple example that anyone can follow. John and Jim are registered as domestic partners and so, just like a married couple; Jim is covered by John's employee health care. That's really nice. BUT... since the IRS does not recognize civil unions or domestic partnership Jim has to pay income tax on the value of this coverage. So, unlike a married couple, John and Jim are penalized hundreds of dollars for not being married. That's not fair. That's not in the spirit of the civil union legislation. And that's just the tip of the iceberg of the inequality being offered.

Listen, my fellow Americans, I am only asking that we get sensible about this controversy. Gays are not asking for religious blessings. We are not asking for everyone to come to our weddings. We are not asking the government to force churches and synagogues to perform marriage rituals or even to allow us into their tax-exempt edifices. We are simply and forcefully demanding equal protection under the laws of this nation as tax paying, voting, property owning citizens. I want no more or less protection than granted any heterosexual to control and distribute my holdings.

State sanctioned marriage is a civil contract period. A contract is not a judgment of moral value. It is a legal agreement between two parties that testifies to a meeting of minds between those consenting entities. It is not a religious act or rite and so has nothing to do with Adam and Eve or Steve or even Harvey. I often say that if you want to really want to understand the contract of marriage just ask anyone who has been divorced. The marriage contract is one of property rights. Or maybe you can look in the bible to see what Adam had to say about divorce since Eve was his second wife.

So, while we rightfully celebrate the election of our first African American president, let us take a moment to mourn the passage of three new laws legalizing prejudice. Of course there will be those who claim that voters were only protecting the institution of marriage to whom I would suggest it is just as likely that Obama's supporters were only voting against W. Breaking the lock on my door doesn't make your home any more secure.

no chance

From Saturday's San Francisco Chronicle:

View it here

No chance for normalcy after Prop. 8 loss
C.W. Nevius


Now that the election is over, there's a refrain coming from those who
supported Proposition 8, the constitutional amendment to ban same-sex
marriage:
Well, they say, we're glad that's over. Now we can move on and get back to
everyday life. Hope there are no hard feelings.

It's a lovely sentiment and an optimistic thought. There is just one
problem. It isn't happening.

"There ARE hard feelings," said Lisa Geduldig, a San Francisco resident.
"If I voted against your social group having equal rights, you'd be sore
too. You might be lovely people, but you voted in favor of
discrimination."

This isn't like a disagreement between two co-workers about who should be
president or a debate about whether city funds should be set aside for
affordable-housing projects. This is a deep, visceral divide between two
cultures. And, with more protests scheduled this weekend in San Francisco
and in the state, it seems the anger and resentment will only increase.

Gay and lesbian couples who wanted to get married were deeply disappointed
and hurt by the outcome of the election. But now the Prop. 8 backers are
complaining that they are the wronged party.

"I think what infuriates me the most is that supporters of Prop. 8 could
now possibly be portraying themselves as victims after successfully taking
the rights away from other people," said San Francisco resident Paul
Holtz. "It's bizarre, paranoid, and silly for them to be claiming
suffering at this point."

Prop. 8 backers have been writing me to say they have been shocked at the
vehemence of the reaction to their "Yes on Prop. 8" yard signs and bumper
stickers. A woman, who asked to be identified as "Kathy in Pleasanton,"
because she fears retaliation, detailed a list of encounters.

"I've had eggs thrown at me, been accused of being a homophobe, and was
even tailgated home from the Oakland airport (all the way to Pleasanton)
by a man who cornered my car and screamed at me because of our 'Yes on 8'
bumper sticker," she said. "I'm a small woman, it was late at night, so
this was very frightening."

My guess is that they never expected that this would turn so personal. Out
in the suburbs, political signs in front yards are as common as autumn
leaves. If you don't agree with your neighbor, the sign is usually a good
reason to avoid that topic.

It is understandable that Prop. 8 supporters are upset about having eggs
thrown at them. That's just dumb. But they didn't just challenge their
neighbors' political views - they challenged them as people.

"They voted for hate, and that's what we are going to give them," said
Gary Young, a San Francisco resident.

Gino VanGundy sounds like someone that Kathy in Pleasanton could relate
to. She said she was concerned about her children as this debate heated
up, and VanGundy, a married gay man, has the same worries.

"This entire process has changed me," he said. "Is it because I'm a gay
man? Perhaps, but I think it has more to do with the fact that I am a
father - and a father first. As most of us are, I am fiercely protective
of my family, and I see this as a direct attack on my family and tens of
thousands of other families."

And compare VanGundy with Javier Peregrino, a staunch supporter of Prop.
8. His greatest worry, he says, is his family.

"This issue has hit my family and its beliefs at its core," Peregrino
said. "We believe that (opposition to) Prop. 8 was an attack on our sacred
way of family and life."

As far apart as those two fathers are, couldn't they find common ground
through their families? Couldn't they each speak to their need to protect
and defend their sons or daughters?

Kathy in Pleasanton has a story about a kindly gay uncle whose longtime
partner nursed him through a nasty bout with cancer. However, even after
that, she would never support her uncle's marriage. What she really hopes,
she says, is that "you will reconsider your feelings toward those of us
who support Proposition 8."

Instead, my guess is that many of the Prop. 8 supporters, like Pira
Tritasavit of San Francisco, are asking some difficult questions of
themselves.

"As a Christian," he said, "should I feel apologetic for voting my
conscience? Should I feel proud over a victory? Should this be 'rubbed in
their faces?' Is this a done deal now? I don't think so. The passing of
legislation can never change human hearts."

To which VanGundy replies: "Bitterness, name calling and finger pointing
will do nothing to help. Ignorance is our enemy - not people."

But Prop. 8 supporters need to understand the basic truth. They can't have
it both ways. They won a bitter, unpleasant and divisive battle. It's
unrealistic now to expect those who lost their rights will understand and
respect the Prop. 8 point of view.

-----

So Kathy in Pleasanton, who views her uncle as a second class citizen, hopes we will all "will reconsider your feelings toward those of us who support Proposition 8."

Yeah, right. We'll get back to you on that one.